Abandonment

Who abandoned whom?

Is the one who leaves, the same as the one who abandons?

Or was the one who left, instead, abandoned by others, already in place, and leaving was the only solution left to keep their sanity?

“When one is abandoned, one is left alone. This can happen through physical absence as well as physical presence. In fact to be abandoned by someone who is physically present is much more crazymaking.” – John Bradshaw

Horace Allen "Al" Kerns, 27 years old, 1930.

Al Kerns married Jessie Mae Longan sometime in January 1926, in Oklahoma. He was 23 years old and she was 18 years old, though she lied about her age on the marriage certificate and marked that she was 21 or older.

Jessie Mae Longan, sometime before 1927.

They had one child, Dovie Sue Kerns, born on 19 January 1927 in Skiatook, Tulsa County, Oklahoma, United States. She went by the name Sue.

Dovie Sue Kerns, age 3, 1930.

Tulsa County, Oklahoma

I had known that Jessie was married 3 times. Nobody ever talked about her husbands, or marriages.

In 1930, Al was aged 27, living in Sasakwa, Seminole county, Oklahoma and was listed as a Roomer at the place that he was living. The "head of the household" was a hotel proprietor and Al's occupation was a cook for a hotel. One can assume is that he was the cook at the hotel that he was staying at. He was also listed as married, however his wife and daughter are not living with him.

Sasakwa, Seminole County, Oklahoma

This separation likely spelled doom for them ahead.

Horace Allen Kerns, 27 years old, 1930.

Horace Allen Kerns petitioned for a divorce from Jessie, on grounds of desertion, which was announced in a local newspaper on 21 February 1932.

Tulsa World (Tulsa, Oklahoma), 21 February 1932, Sunday, p. 20, column 7,
Vital Statistics, Divorces Asked, "Horace Kerns from Jessie Kerns, desertion."

The divorce was granted on 11 March 1932 in a judgement for the plaintiff (Horace Allen Kerns).

Tulsa Daily Legal News, 11 March 1932, Friday, p. 1, column 3,
District Court, Proceedings, Before Judge Halley,
D 9458, "Kerns v Kerns jdgt for plff." (judgement for plaintiff).

At some point after his divorce from Jessie, he moved to California. His daughter, Sue, visited him in Hollywood, California, in 1937, when she was about 10 years old. 

Sue Kerns, visiting her father in Hollywood, California, 1937.

After his divorce from Jessie, he only saw Sue two times in her life. When she was 12 years old, "he told her it was better to not tug at her heartstrings. She never saw him again."

Was Al Kerns some heartless father and husband who abandoned his wife and daughter?

Or did his wife abandon him, and he had to go out on the road to find work to support his family?

Was Al cruel to tell his daughter, Sue, not to tug on her heartstrings and to never see her again after she was 12 years old? Or was he trying to save her from hoping that a reconciliation between her parents would happen, when he knew that there was never any hope of that? Was he "cruel to be kind"?

"Desertion". Jessie deserted Al. 

Was this an isolated incident by Jessie? Her second marriage to James "Jim" Stewart Hobgood Sr. lasted 20 years. In the end, he filed for divorce from Jessie with a claim of neglect, and it was announced in a newspaper on 11 February 1953.

Tulsa World (Tulsa, Oklahoma), 11 February 1953, Wednesday, p. 24, column 8.,
Divorces Asked, "James S. Hobgood Sr. vs. Jessie L. Hobgood, neglect alleged."

We can't know everything that happened in these marriages. We don't know the underlying reasons for the break-ups.

But, yeah. Who abandoned whom?

Oh, I almost forgot. Al subsequently moved to California, remarried and found happiness with his second wife, Katherine, step-daughter and step-grandchildren.

Horace Allen & Katherine (Hornung) Kerns

Al passed away on 9 July 1996, at age 90, in San Diego County, California, United States. I never had a chance to meet him.